Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Pressing In to God (under the pressure of Anxiety)

Fear. Anxiety.

Two very real words to me.

I'm learning to press in to God and press in hard. Over the last few weeks I've been struggling with anxiety not only for myself but for P-man as well (my battle with anxiety goes back 10-15 years, or more). As we ready him for first grade there are a few things he needs to work on and just buckle down and do! I pray that the anxiety he might feel be released from him and to let me carry the burden. I know this is wrong. I must give it to God and let HIM carry the burden.

Let go and Let God!

In my own life, I'm learning from my son. He's a child and has a child like faith. He knows God goes with him and when things are scary he just goes along (probably for fear of what might happen if he gets left behind). How true is this for me? Not at all true. I'd much rather be left behind than face the scary situation. I hate the way I feel when facing my fears. The anxiety wells up in me and I can hardly catch my breath.

This past Saturday we were returning from a mini-family vacation and Hubby was very sick. He couldn't drive because he had to lay down. ANXIETY. I hate driving outside my comfort zone, which is a 3-5 mile radius around my house depending on the day. Most the time I can drive anywhere if there is a licensed driver in the car, which on Saturday there was except he was very ill and I knew he wouldn't be able to take over for me.

I had to get my family home. I had to "buckle down and do!"

There was a lot of prayer. I was very real with my kids in this situation. I told them mommy was nervous about driving and that they should pray. And I heard Sweetie praying out loud and my anxiety released for a minute. I knew that stinky devil was attacking me, so I prayed, a lot. There was peace in me, I knew I could do it but I had to get through the anxiety first. By the time we were half way home (about 40 minutes into the trip) I was feeling more relaxed and less anxious. I kept talking to the kids, telling them how I was doing, because for some reason expressing my feelings helps, even if it is to my kids.

This was good for P-man to see, too. He has scary situations he has to get through at school, but by me showing him that persevering through the anxiety is the only way to the other side of it, I pray he learned a little something from me.  Because he has taught me so much about myself through his own fears and anxieties.

We got home safely and I was exhausted. Because driving with anxiety makes me tired. It takes every ounce of energy to do it and when I get home I. Am. Tired!

Anxiety is a daily struggle for me, sometimes hourly. But by pressing into God in each situation, praising him when I get through it, and pressing in before the next one comes around, I relieve the tension in me. GOD relieves the tension in me.

Some days I go without anxiety, and it's always worse when I'm not feeling up to par.

Some day I will be healed of this, but for now I'm trying to find how it can be used for God's glory. If I didn't have anxiety I wouldn't understand P-man's situation. So I thank God for that. I pray my anxiety gets used to Glorify my Creator!

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