Pressing In to God (under the pressure of Anxiety)

Fear. Anxiety.

Two very real words to me.

I'm learning to press in to God and press in hard. Over the last few weeks I've been struggling with anxiety not only for myself but for P-man as well (my battle with anxiety goes back 10-15 years, or more). As we ready him for first grade there are a few things he needs to work on and just buckle down and do! I pray that the anxiety he might feel be released from him and to let me carry the burden. I know this is wrong. I must give it to God and let HIM carry the burden.

Let go and Let God!

In my own life, I'm learning from my son. He's a child and has a child like faith. He knows God goes with him and when things are scary he just goes along (probably for fear of what might happen if he gets left behind). How true is this for me? Not at all true. I'd much rather be left behind than face the scary situation. I hate the way I feel when facing my fears. The anxiety wells up in me and I can hardly catch my breath.

This past Saturday we were returning from a mini-family vacation and Hubby was very sick. He couldn't drive because he had to lay down. ANXIETY. I hate driving outside my comfort zone, which is a 3-5 mile radius around my house depending on the day. Most the time I can drive anywhere if there is a licensed driver in the car, which on Saturday there was except he was very ill and I knew he wouldn't be able to take over for me.

I had to get my family home. I had to "buckle down and do!"

There was a lot of prayer. I was very real with my kids in this situation. I told them mommy was nervous about driving and that they should pray. And I heard Sweetie praying out loud and my anxiety released for a minute. I knew that stinky devil was attacking me, so I prayed, a lot. There was peace in me, I knew I could do it but I had to get through the anxiety first. By the time we were half way home (about 40 minutes into the trip) I was feeling more relaxed and less anxious. I kept talking to the kids, telling them how I was doing, because for some reason expressing my feelings helps, even if it is to my kids.

This was good for P-man to see, too. He has scary situations he has to get through at school, but by me showing him that persevering through the anxiety is the only way to the other side of it, I pray he learned a little something from me.  Because he has taught me so much about myself through his own fears and anxieties.

We got home safely and I was exhausted. Because driving with anxiety makes me tired. It takes every ounce of energy to do it and when I get home I. Am. Tired!

Anxiety is a daily struggle for me, sometimes hourly. But by pressing into God in each situation, praising him when I get through it, and pressing in before the next one comes around, I relieve the tension in me. GOD relieves the tension in me.

Some days I go without anxiety, and it's always worse when I'm not feeling up to par.

Some day I will be healed of this, but for now I'm trying to find how it can be used for God's glory. If I didn't have anxiety I wouldn't understand P-man's situation. So I thank God for that. I pray my anxiety gets used to Glorify my Creator!

You have no idea...

When people hear I have a 6 yo. boy and 4 yo. b/g twins most people's immediate reaction statement is "wow, that must keep you busy." You have no idea...

They say that the average 4 year old asks 437 questions a day. Now, times that by two and add in that both twins have been referred to an ENT for hearing issues and you have some pretty tired momma ears, right! You have no idea...

I shop at a local grocery store because 1) I know the people there, 2) There's not as many places for the twinners to hide or run away to (it isn't Meijer after all), and 3) Because my kids like that I know the people there and are getting to know these people to. They enjoy saying hi to "pony" (who is actually a real person not a pony ride; remember it's not Meijer), sitting on the bench near the checkout lane I almost always go through, and they have learned that donuts in the bakery are an awesome perk to a great trip. Yes, bribery happens for my sanity! Don't judge me. You have no idea...

I think of many blog posts a day and formulate an outline in my head. Then the whining of kids, the demands of the house, and the calling of the oven that it's dinner time take over and when I sit down to write a blog post it's...gone. My body is tired, my brain is tired, my eyes are tired, and I just want to sit and watch TV and enjoy some relaxation with the hubby. When the kids are asleep and I look at their sweet faces...You have no idea...I can't wait to do it all over again.

You have no idea...unless your a mom, then I applaud you. You are amazing! I know...I live it...I have an idea!!

Thankful Day 15

My Angel Babies!

It's been seven years...I wrote last year on my personal blog that it felt like forever and it felt like just yesterday. Sometimes it just doesn't seem real, yet it's too real. These feelings are still so present in this year.

This year has been different. I didn't dwell on my loss like in years past. I took the time I needed; we remembered, we went to the cemetery, and we talked with the kids about their older brothers.

I'm thankful for each precious day I carried them in my womb and for each precious second I held them on earth. I thank God that he blessed me with two babies and that He cares for them now in Heaven. I'm thankful I get to see them again in eternity!

This will be the first time I have shared them with the world in a picture.

Luke Alan :: Isaac Robert

Nov. 16, 2006  ::  Nov. 15, 2006

Guest Posting at The Fontenot Four

Today I have a guest post at The Fontenot Four! My first guest post on another blog and I am excited!

I found this blog a couple months ago and I love it. This blog {written by another red-headed Sarah!} is inspirational and overflows with faith! I often link-up with Sarah's Thankful Thursdays over at her blog!

I'm telling more of my pregnancy loss story in the guest post and also included a bit of my journal in this post!

Check out my guest post HERE!

October 15

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. To read more about it visit the 'October 15' website.

Losing Isaac and Luke in November of 2006 was the worst time in my life. I won't go into all of the details now as I plan to post more about them in November, but they were born so young at 22 weeks gestation. Their life on earth was so brief, but the memories I have of them live in me each day! I'm so glad I have a God that is so close to me during everything in life; I don't know how I could have survived that time without God. He is my Peace, my Comfort, my Rock.

If you have gone through a Pregnancy or Infant Loss and need someone to connect with please feel free to email me.

I was writing some posts in preparation for November and I went through my journal I kept during the last part of 2006. It brought back so many emotions and memories. I will share parts of my journal entries in November but today I want to share the songs that I listened to during times that I just want to remember my boys.

"Angel" by Beverly Mitchell

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"Held" by Natalie Grant

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"Porcelain Heart" by BarlowGirl

Sharing my story at The Fontenot Four with the link up.

Finding Faith {God helps us handle}

I recently came across this post by another blogger. I have seen this post before but it was a while ago. I had forgotten about it, but here it is again in my newsfeed. And while reading it again, some thoughts came to mind which I share with you now.

You should read the article in full but the basic just of it is in the title "Confronting the lie: God won’t give you more than you can handle". And, the author, Nate Pyle, offers biblical evidence of why this is a lie.

See, this is something that's very close to my heart. I do believe that sometimes we are dealt a hand that is beyond what we can bear. And in those times we are challenged to turn to God and rely solely on him for our survival through the storm. I have to admit that I have cringed when people have referred to their dire situation and said "God won't give us more than we can handle." 

I guess they probably look at it as, God doesn't give us these horrible things, the devil does. But evil is very present in our world, and just because God won't give it to us doesn't mean he's going to completely stop bad things from happening in this world. We live in a fallen world, a world where we must be constantly aware that bad things, horrible things, happen everyday. And just because God is there and ever present doesn't mean there is not a lesson we can't learn from going through something bad. 

{I'm writing from my heart, so I hope this is somewhat making sense even though it seems all over the place to me.}

Hanging on my wall, I have a gift someone gave me when I was pregnant with A-man and Sweetie. It says:

"God doesn't give us what we can handle,

God helps us handle what we are given"

This is a better way of looking at it. Instead of having pride and saying "everything we face that's bad God thinks we are strong enough to handle", we humble ourselves and say, "God I can't do this, I need you, help me handle this."

Let's reference my lost pregnancy. I couldn't handle it. When the doctor gave me the prognosis and my chances of bringing two babies into this world to love and grow for God's kingdom was brought to a screeching halt; I LOST IT! I balled in the exam room. I screamed out to God, 'Why?'. I couldn't handle it. Luckily, my husband, always being the calm in my emotional storms, was able to calm me and we were able to work through my emotions enough to pray "God, I need you. Come make yourself known to us in this situation. HELP US know what needs to be done. Walk with us. Comfort us. Guide us. Love us." (Okay, that's not our exact prayer, but I'm sure it was something very close to that!) God didn't give me this situation to show ME how strong I was. He allowed it to happen to us to show us how strong HE is. How much we need HIM. God helped us handle what we were given!

Rely on Him today, in any situation you are facing. Know that you might not be able to handle it, but God can help you. He wants to help you!

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Don't forget to check out the Encouragement Challenge on Facebook!

It's never too late to start! Read this post for more about the challenge!

Check it out HERE!

My Story :: Angel Babies

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. This is very dear to my heart as Hubby and I have two babies in Heaven. Here is a little peak into our life in November of 2006.

We were so excited to learn that we were having twin boys! The names were picked and some items were purchased (just small things: a couple stuffed animals). I went into the doctor to get my release papers for work signed and for a small check up because of a worry I had. That small check-up turned into a nine day stay in the hospital and a delivery of perfect baby boys at 22 weeks. They were just too small to survive. We left the hospital without them. We buried them. We continue to grieve. We Remember; not just in October and November but always...and forever! We yearn for the day we can meet them in Heaven!

(photo used from here)



I will share my story more in November as the 7th Anniversary of our boys arrival in Heaven nears, but until then, we will remember them this month and I will be sharing my story in a guest post on The Fontenot Four blog sometime this month.

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Don't forget about the Encouragement Challenge on Facebook!

Check it out HERE!

Simply Sarah :: Hobbies

I can never decide on one hobby (can anyone, really?).

My favorites hobbies right now, though? There's a few:

1. Sewing: I make baby blankets and burp cloths on a regular basis lately! Lots a pregnant friends and family! But I have also made stuffed animals, a shirt for myself, a skirt for Sweetie, pajama pants for myself and the kids, and tried my hand at a few other miscellaneous things. I would love to make this into something more than a hobby, though. Something that won't only benefit family, but maybe blankets and burp cloths for babies in the NICU or stuffed animals for young kids in the hospital.

2. Crafting: This just goes a long with having kids. I really don't have any particular craft I like more than the other, nor am I exceptionally awesome at any of them. But, I do like to try most crafts. I have made quite a few different ones (last year I did a Pinterest Project every week so I have tried quite a few.) and failed at quite a few, too. It's always fun to involve the kids in the crafts though! My favorite one is the wreath I made for our family's Fourth Of July Parade Float!

3. Gardening: We have had raspberries for the past few years and it's always fun to go out and pick with the kids! This year was our first year that we had a decent crop...the ones we didn't eat right away are in the freezer waiting to be made into jam! This year we added tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, and jalapenos. Next year we'll do things differently to hopefully get an awesome crop from all plants instead of just a small crop from most and a gigantic cucumber crop!

4. Reading: I like to read, I just don't always have time to read. My favorite books are easy reads like Karen Kingsbury and Beverly Lewis. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the story reads. Lately, though, I can't put down Lysa TerKeurst. She's an amazing, honest writer. I have also read The Hunger Games, Divergent Series (yet to be completed) and many other series.

5. Genealogy: A recent find for a hobby. My Mother-in-law asked me to scan in photo slides and photos from her collection along with her mother's photos and my Father-in-law's mother's photos (follow that?). In this collection of photos and old documents and memorable stuff I found pictures from the 1800's. Amazing to see these things in person, to touch them, hold them, and most importantly put a name to them. These people are a part of my Husband's family line. I have traced his paternal grandmother's line back to 1799 AD. It's all like a puzzle to me; it's very fascinating!

6. Puzzles: LOVE PUZZLES!! A favorite pass time for me. I get it from my paternal Grandmother. She always was doing a puzzle when we would visit my grandparents in their winter home in Florida! I did so many while I was pregnant, also. I really need to do this more; the kids, I'm sure, would love to help!

What's your favorite hobby(ies) and why?

Simply Sarah :: "Titles"

A Short Series on who I am so you can learn more about me and why I believe what I do!

I put "titles" in parenthesis because I'm not really sure what else to name this. This post will talk about what people call me, I guess, and why I love it.

"Title" -- Jesus Follower. Yes, I am a Christian! I am a child of God, saved by Jesus Christ! I can't imagine going through life without knowing the true Love and Grace and Mercy of God! I'm so thankful that I am called by name by the God of all creation! How beautiful it is! Struggle and pain, though, are not absent from my life. It's a way God molds and shapes me further for His Glory! I'll talk about this a lot more in this series so stay tuned!!

"Title" -- Daughter. My parents are wonderful and I can't thank them enough for raising me the way they did! They protected me, stood up for me, taught me, guided me, loved me, and so much more. They helped me grow into who I am today! Thank You, Dad and Mom!

"Title" -- Wife! I love this title! I love that I am married to a man that I can walk beside, support, love, share life with, enjoy our kids with, talk to easily, and a man that allows me to be who I am in Christ! I love being a wife to one AWESOME Hubby! Couldn't ask for a better man to call me his wife!

"Title" -- Mother! Love this title too! Being a mother is so rewarding. Then pour on top that I get to stay home with my kids, which is something I have always wanted to do (because my mom was always home for us). Let's be real for a second...hearing 'mom' all day can be tiring, but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world right now!

"Title" -- Sister. I have 3 sisters and they are wonderful! We all live in the same general area and get to see each other more than some families do. We enjoy playing games, getting together for bridal and baby showers, we see each other on random weekends at our parents house for dinner; it's just a bundle of fun! We also have "adopted" another sister that we love and call our own. She has lived with Hubby and I for 5 years now and us sisters are so happy to call her a sister! (She has a family of her own, whom she loves and talks to daily, but they live in a different country. She's here studying for her DNP)

Those are my "Titles". Hope you learned something new about me! Look for more in this short series "Simply Sarah" coming soon!

My Story, God's Plan

This is my story...

I want to be an inspiration to others. I want to do God's Will for my life. I want to live in the moment but think about how I can affect the future.

My family is my life right now. Being a SAHM my schedule goes the same; wake up when the kids are screaming in my ear for breakfast, drag myself out of bed, break up a few spats between the kids before breakfast is served, breakfast, clean up and get ready for the day, clean, break up more fights, serve lunch, throw on Netflix or Qubo to get a little break from screaming/fighting, plan dinner, fix dinner, eat dinner, break up a spat, start bedtime, bedtime for kids, relax, play too much Candy Crush Saga, fall asleep way too late after scolding myself for being a CCS addict, do it all over again.

Okay, it's not as horrible as it may sound, and I would do this over anything else right now. I'd rather my kids play together than be in different areas of a daycare. I'd rather be teaching them what I know and feel to be best for them then have them dragged from one thing to the next at daycare. I'd rather schedule in one-on-one time with them then have them be a number in a daycare.

God has called me to where I am and I fully embrace it. I don't always approach it with a smile but I embrace it nonetheless. God helps us handle what we are given! I am so thankful for that!

This is my story...

But it's all God's Plan!

As the posts go on you will learn more about me and my story! Check out the 'Simply Sarah' page to find out more now!